rain, finally

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bed in the batroom

tonight, a bat in my bedroom woke me up, hunted down by the cats. I caught it with a plastic cup and set it free.

later, there was your sms.

what you said did not kill me. I’m dead already, have been since I left you. you gave me the kiss of life. you gave me the kiss of death.

therefore your message did not kill me. and, we have to admit that, we had it coming.

rain in V., tells me firefox, 15 degrees C. which is good, at least one thing.

I know what you are saying, and who am I to argue? stopping IT would be the reasonable thing to do, to have a chance to regain sanity, to heal, to give life a chance to come up with another chance for love fulfilled, for love free of chains, for love with promises being not lip service only.

so we should stop IT. for the sake of both of us. every single day brings another turn of the screw, and I for my part do not know whether I will blow or implode. there probably won’t be a miracle for us. but even though we don’t know this for sure, should we sit and wait for it to happen?

I want two things in my life:
I want you to be my woman.
and I want you to be happy.

I cant’t have the first because I am in my way. so there is only one thing left for me to want.
and I am well aware that in order to achieve that, I have to let you go.

I do not know how to do that, but I know that I will do it, because you deserve better than this.
but it can’t be better for you with me. I hate to say that, but we both know that is the truth.

you really are lucky. there will be rain also tomorrow. the sky is with you.

so do we have to stop it?
yes
will we stop it?
yes
when will we stop it?
before we go totally insane

today?
if you wish, yes

we know what we imagined for us one week ago, every single day since then. it would have been a life greater than life. you’ve touched strings I did not know that I had, you made an old watering pot sing. that’s what you did.

because you are Love Became Woman.
and you made me Man Who Loves Hazel Eyes.

this was not my doing.
it was yours.
you know that.

no one can ever take away from us what we had, and what we didn’t.
our love.
our two weeks of lovemaking.
our 26 hours of lovemaking.
our night of lovemaking.
our week of heartache.
our pain.

no one.

I like the photos on your wayn-site. they are beautiful. you are beautiful in them. but they not even halfway represent reality. and they do not show what is beyond that gorgeous face.

so do we stop it here and now?
we should do that.

only thing: I do not want it to end this way. no embrace, no final kiss, with the last thing I saw of you during this hasty parting on the airport.

I want to see you again. have to.

it’s madness. and I’d understand if you don’t. would be the better thing, anyway.

it is your life. me, I’m old. I’m through. to see the light at the end of the tunnel was more than I could’ve asked for.

I want you to be happy.
please, be happy.

so, we will stop.
you cut the line. can’t be me, you have to.
no yellow ribbon. just tell me to stop harassing you. and I will.
and I will be ok.

why?
because I love you.
always did.
always will.

that’s why it has to end.

one last favor I would like to ask of you.
don’t go without a trace. if there might be a second miracle (the first one being meeting you), I might want to let you know. and see what happens.

I kiss you. endlessly. my love.

09-11, 14:52

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Filed under mails, mails & messages

Tags: happy, kill, kiss, life, love, making love, pain, rain