meet the bench
Last time, we spend a big part of our common life in the park. A bench became our planet, the small green area with its trees and bushes and playgrounds and flowerbeds and the river were our world. That was then.
The park. I don’t have to search for our bench. It’s the second one, the one with the concrete ring serving as a trashbin. The bench is empty. One part of the wooden backrest is broken. Rain has darkened the weather-beaten wood.
Eight weeks ago, for two hours or so, it was our world. Our bubble inside of reality. Today, it’s merely wet wood, void of every emotion but nostalgia and pain. I can’t help standing with both hands in my pockets, thinking about us and how happy we lived our life back then on this tiny, worn piece of wood, now wet with rain. We kissed, and we touched, and we made love to each other with words and hints and gestures, and it felt right, so bloody right.
The rain is making a wet mess out of my hair. I feel water running down my skull on all sides. It’s not too cold, so it’s ok. I had thought about bringing a cap, but I forgot. Now I’m getting wet and I might even catch a cold.
Very well, I think. Then Esme can take care of me just like she did with Les. Then I remember Esme is not here, and she won’t see me, cold or not. If I catch a cold, I’ll have to deal with it by myself.
I move on. Towards the exit of the park, the flowerbeds stare empty. I had joked there with Esme about the difference regarding order with this country and mine. Today, the flower beds are staring empty. The rain is forming puddles on the path. It’s cold. I stand and I stare and I shiver.
I text you, but I don’t expect an answer. You don’t disappoint me.
Outside the park I follow the street towards the cathedral. I see you walk on the wall next to the sidewalk. You are holding my hand.
“Don’t let me fall down”, you say to me.
“I will never”, I tell you. I mean it.
I won’t keep my promise. You know it by now. But I meant to. Please forgive me, my love.
day 2
the cow on the wall without coffee
I have a cunning plan
the river reaches out for the restaurant
broken backrest
the final supper
