objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are

the end of a year, be it calendrical or personal, not only reminds me of death. it has the same feel and taste. and, as death, it cannot be avoided.
the questions for me are: where am I? what have I done to deserve this? and, basically: who am I – and if yes, how [...]

persuasion

nothing is unique. no feeling, no experience. no nothing. doesn’t matter how personally you feel. everything has been around for a while somewhere. that’s true also for long-distance relationships. is this thought soothing, or frustrating, or what?

no coff?

Wanting to see you is not about lies, Esme. It is about us. It is about what we felt for each other, and about what I still feel for you. It is not about promises, it is about hopes. And about a dream.  

I will see her again

What can I say? After all those days, after the hope and the despair and the loneliness, we will meet. We will bloody meet again. I am so excited I can’t close her text message for minutes, I keep staring at the screen of my phone, reading and reading her words. We will see each [...]

no bottom to worse

In two days from now, life will be again as it used to be. On the surface, nothing will have happened. But during those ten days I was alone with my cats and Esme, the abyss has dug itself way deeper into the earth. I can feel myself sinking. There are no handholds I can [...]