V.

esme, I’d like to share a final song with you. it’s by a friend of mine, sophie. I met her some years ago in a bar and we started talking. she later came out with this song.      

it is only one month

Life without Esme is starting to become reality. The throbbing pain, the checking of e-mail and SMS just to find nothing, the memories becoming threadbare – all these signs of a love lost are closing in on me. I try to keep them at bay by re-reading our story, by re-arranging reality, by re-inventing history.
But [...]

11 years ago

there is still some wine left in the bottle:
I had two mojitos tonight on a brown leather couch with a woman I once was in love with
11 years ago
I tried to find some remnants of my former love in her eyes
I did not
it was not because her eyes were blue, not hazel
it was because she [...]

the day after leaving her

“I love you”, I texted her at night. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU, that’s what I wanted to shout out loud. I was in despair. I was in disrepair. I was destroyed. I was in love.    

noon – the restaurant over the river

We take the bus downtown, talking and kissing and holding hands. We get out close to a park. It’s the beginning of a wide street leading towards a cathedral. I can see it way in the distance, so I know where we are. I don’t care where we are.
I’m with Esme. She is walking by [...]

you are my katrina

esme!
your yesterday’s silence killed me
filled my stomach with magma
made me walk the day like a zombie
more dead than living    

cows can’t fly – they climb

Memory is a strange thing. Thinking back to the events that led me here, some things are already blurry, out of focus. I remember many details, about the university I held my lectures in. About the hotel room and the passage where I hurt my head because it was so low. About dinner on the [...]

my lips on your neck (08-27, 12:30)

Sunny it is, sky of a blue as deep as a look in Greekish hazel eyes. My middle names? How many characters do fit into a sms?    

day 2 – drop-dead competent

When I woke up this morning, Esme was on my mind. I don’t remember dreaming of her, but I hardly ever remember dreaming anyway. What I remember was that I had wanted to dream of her when I had switched off the light some hours before.
We were in a different classroom today. But again, I [...]

day 1 – exposure

A close call, that’s what it was. Looking back, it was a rare opportunity. An amuse-gueule served on a silver platter. I let it pass, let it slip away. What was I thinking? Nothing, or rather: too much. Be it as it may, the chance was gone. Forever, I thought.
“What are your plans for tonight?” [...]