birthday

in the afternoon, life came to a standstill. out of nowhere, her name popped up on the screen. the curse of yahoo, where you see when your contacts are online. also shows your nomorecontacts, unfortunately.

seeing those two words gave my heart a good squeeze. life slowed down, focused on one spot on the mail website. [...]

happy new year is here. go away.

so this is how 2009 feels when you’re not spending most of the day inside the smallest room of your apartment trying to keep at least some fluids inside your aging body. finally made it back to the office and, surprise: it was still there.

looking back from a distance

looking back from a distance, the trip was a desaster. V. is your city, because you live there. it is my city because you live there. and it is our city because we had what we had, if only for 26 hours and two weeks before and some afterwards.
what brought me down most was [...]

the final supper

I take a shower to warm up after my daylong stroll in the rain. Then I dress again. I am hungry. I don’t think food will kill this hunger, but I go out again nevertheless.
It’s going to be a long night.

broken backrest

Last time, we spend a big part of our common life in the park. A bench became our planet, the small green area with its trees and bushes and playgrounds and flowerbeds and the river were our world. That was then.

the third leg

Two hours after I had touched ground in V. I was drunk. I had lied my way to this place, and there I was. It was dark already, drizzling and cool. Summer, so it seemed, was gone for good, and so was something else.

E.T.A 2030 (10-12, 10:13)

Hi Esme, booked my flight for Friday 3rd. Will be in V. at 2030. Something I’m looking forward to. Kiss, Mick.

knight

I remember touching you for the first time. Kissing you for the first time. Never wanted to touchkiss anybody else. Still don’t. Airports will never be the same. Airports have no meaning if there are no steps and no taxi stopping and no you flying out towards me.

rain, finally

tonight, a bat in my bedroom woke me up, hunted down by the cats. I caught it with a plastic cup and set it free.
later, there was your sms.
what you said did not kill me. I’m dead already, have been since I left you. you gave me the kiss of life. you gave me [...]

safety glass

there is no back to normal. from the outside, life looks pretty much now like four weeks ago. but it isn’t. it feels different, feels wrong. I’m a zombie, cornered, insulated from my surroundings.
I’m in a bubble again, but this time the bubble is for me alone. I’m living on your love, but I [...]