birthday

in the afternoon, life came to a standstill. out of nowhere, her name popped up on the screen. the curse of yahoo, where you see when your contacts are online. also shows your nomorecontacts, unfortunately.

seeing those two words gave my heart a good squeeze. life slowed down, focused on one spot on the mail website. [...]

objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are

the end of a year, be it calendrical or personal, not only reminds me of death. it has the same feel and taste. and, as death, it cannot be avoided.
the questions for me are: where am I? what have I done to deserve this? and, basically: who am I – and if yes, how [...]

two dark-haired girls

what is man? I’m surely not the first to ponder this question, and yet I won’t be the last. and how would I know, above all? what I know is: man is formed by his past, and sometimes the past doesn’t stay where it belongs, but pops up in the present.
this is what happened with [...]

persuasion

nothing is unique. no feeling, no experience. no nothing. doesn’t matter how personally you feel. everything has been around for a while somewhere. that’s true also for long-distance relationships. is this thought soothing, or frustrating, or what?

doesn’t matter where she is tonight

maybe it was because of the biting cold on the city rail platform in the outskirts of the southern secret capital. maybe it was because of the long dark hair of a woman shivering not far away from me in the yellowish light of an internal illuminated street light commercial structure.     

everything that rises must converge

I didn’t get it the first time. Probably no one would have. Second time I had a hunch. Third time gave me reason to read it fourth time. Then I got it. Hit me like a sledge hammer. Can’t be, I thought. Can’t be.
But chances are, it not only could, but it is. And there [...]

Re: looking back from a distance

now i know how it feels to be everything and nothing to someone

i couldnt let you leave me once again
last time you did i have nearly died
this story could never have a beautiful final for it has started with a final     

beads of love

“Almost Lover” again. On both flights. I enter the plane, there is A Fine Frenzy in the air. On the flight back from far Southwest, I see my city full of golden beads. I see you in our hotel room.
I feel a knife in my guts. I feel you. I see you.    

burn after loving

there is no sound at all. I am an actor in a silent movie which hasn’t even got the piano. my stage might not be black and white, but it feels like it anyway.
I move in floating motions, soundless, effortless, sensationless. emotionless.

looking back from a distance

looking back from a distance, the trip was a desaster. V. is your city, because you live there. it is my city because you live there. and it is our city because we had what we had, if only for 26 hours and two weeks before and some afterwards.
what brought me down most was [...]