two dark-haired girls

what is man? I’m surely not the first to ponder this question, and yet I won’t be the last. and how would I know, above all? what I know is: man is formed by his past, and sometimes the past doesn’t stay where it belongs, but pops up in the present.
this is what happened with [...]

looking back from a distance

looking back from a distance, the trip was a desaster. V. is your city, because you live there. it is my city because you live there. and it is our city because we had what we had, if only for 26 hours and two weeks before and some afterwards.
what brought me down most was [...]

looking down at creation

I am high. The sound from the streets doesn’t reach me. Cars, people move in total silence. It is dark. I’m sipping my Mojito. Lots of ice, not enough Mojito. I wish I could fly.

the final supper

I take a shower to warm up after my daylong stroll in the rain. Then I dress again. I am hungry. I don’t think food will kill this hunger, but I go out again nevertheless.
It’s going to be a long night.

broken backrest

Last time, we spend a big part of our common life in the park. A bench became our planet, the small green area with its trees and bushes and playgrounds and flowerbeds and the river were our world. That was then.

I never want to open my eyes again

this is not working. it is NOT working. nothing. not in the least. what else can I do?
I tried to reason you out of my system. no way.
I tried to run you out of my system. I get faster by that, exhausted. that’s it.
I tried to work you out of my system. I’m home late [...]

you have all the right to miss me (09-21, 16:26)

Esme, you have all the right in the world to miss me, just like I keep on missing you. How could I forget that you were there? And I don’t see it as anyone’s fault.

it is only one month

Life without Esme is starting to become reality. The throbbing pain, the checking of e-mail and SMS just to find nothing, the memories becoming threadbare – all these signs of a love lost are closing in on me. I try to keep them at bay by re-reading our story, by re-arranging reality, by re-inventing history.
But [...]

no bottom to worse revisited

Life is not fair. Life is not unfair either. Life is, and that is a lesson which was at least for me very hard to learn, indifferent. Life just doesn’t give a damn, doesn’t even bother to ignore what for me seems to be the most important things. You can like this or not, but [...]

rain, finally

tonight, a bat in my bedroom woke me up, hunted down by the cats. I caught it with a plastic cup and set it free.
later, there was your sms.
what you said did not kill me. I’m dead already, have been since I left you. you gave me the kiss of life. you gave me [...]